Venting

I'm none too pleased with my lack of yoga. I have missed yoga 3 days in row! I had a shoot today but conceivably I could have made it to a 9am class -- that would have been pushing it, mind you, since I wanted to go to an 11am mass. Yesterday was excusable as I had to work all day and then run to a fitting for said shoot. However, Friday night was just plain disappointing. I had the car that day because of an audition and I was happy because I could drive myself to yoga. When I got there, I had a PRIME spot right in front of the studio. But I had no way of paying the meter. I left my damn credit card in my other coat pocket. I drove around the block a few times and realized there were no available spots since I couldn't park in them until 7pm and it was only 6pm. I was angry and just kept driving.

I think there's a little part of me that's spiteful since one of my teachers asked me how my body was handling the yoga since I wasn't taking it as often. Me, being skeptical of people's motives, I automatically (and still) assume that she's being snarky about my infrequent attendance. She just didn't realize (and I forgot to say something at the time) that I was sick for an entire week and that's why she hadn't seen me. As my imagination would rather believe, I think she was giving me a jab. So, all in all, I think subconsciously I've stayed away just to show her her snarkiness hasn't affected me.

The reason I think she's snarky is because she's made comments in class that have made me feel uncomfortable. For instance, she pointed out in class the size and flabbiness of her post-childbearing belly. I could care less! I'm not there judging her and saying, "Ew! Gross! She's so ugly!" To go along with the comment about her belly, she makes me feel self-conscious by comparing our bodies by saying something along the lines of "You're stomach is so fit and mine's not." She also made a comment about me to a crowded class about how "Mary might have a really nice body but she needs to work at her flexibility." Is that a constructive comment or a really subtle way of jabbing at me? Needless to say, rather than making me feel good, it makes me feel awkward. I really could care less but I wish she would knock it off. Maybe it's her Hungarian blood that makes her so blunt. It's her own insecurities, bottom line.

Anyways, blee blee blah blah. Since no one reads this anyways, that's why I've written what might appear as egocentric comments. I actually hope no one reads it so they don't think that. ARGH. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! This is a journal and I can write whatever's on my mind and even if people were reading this, they can make whatever comments they want. I can take it.