Okay. Today I'm FINALLY feeling like my old self. The pubescent boy seems to be slowly leaving my body and I am glad of it. My head is still clogged but my spirits are higher. They could be perhaps because the window in the living room is open and the fresh air is seeping in and leaving a deliciously fresh scent in the room. I also just lit a new sprig of my Nag Champa incense. Spring is sproinging. And oh yeah, the clocks moved ahead an hour. Luckily I didn't have to be up at any particular hour so I was cool with that. I'm looking forward to the light at the end of the day. However, today is somewhat overcast. I got out early (what would have been 11am but was actually 12pm) and got some groceries. I washed the dishes and set about my leisurely day.
I am reading St. Augustine's The Confessions for Lent. I am reading with a skeptical mind so that I'm not reading like my old self which succumbed to some inner Catholic guilt that would normally propel me into having to believe every single word written by a Catholic saint or else I would go to Hell. Instead, I want to come from a genuine place of belief. It's one thing to buy every word and spit it back out without giving a thought to it's meaning and it's quite another to understand and believe. If I don't believe some of his words, I'm not afraid to question them. The cool thing is that my question has usually been answered in some later passage. But if it's not, I'm okay with the questions remaining within me. I know God will answer them even if not for a very long time.
I've used this week as a means to listen to Augustine's words. It's been some serious down time for me which I think I needed. Mentally, I found myself able to focus on each task at hand because I was so foggy. I know that sounds weird. What I mean is that I was able to concentrate on the one thing I was doing and not on the million things that usually cloud my mind when I'm healthy. So, when reading Augustine, the words have sunk in. When watching the play yesterday, I was there 100%. When looking around in the furniture stores yesterday, I was looking at each piece as if I were in a museum. It's been a sort of tunnel vision. I have appreciated my week "off". It has been a much needed vacation.
Tomorrow, I am back with my yoga. It's calling my name pretty loud. I can't wait!
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