I Really, Really Do

My, oh, my. I have survived yoga. Actually, I should have written that yesterday. I felt like I was going to die in class yesterday. It was a 4pm class, the heat was full force and I got stuck in the middle to hottest side of the class. I went to class this morning, however, and felt good/great. I put myself on the cooler side of the room which is definitely my "good side". I was in a better mood too. I hated that my teacher didn't mention me at all during class (ego!) but she tended to my ego today and made me feel much better. I didn't think I was all that susceptible to encouragement or lack thereof. I think, really, more than anything was that I was dehydrated yesterday and I am now fully realizing that afternoon classes are shite for me. I either have to go in the morning or in the evening but not in between. I learned that by reading my dosha (if that's how you say it). My type is a blend between Vata and Pitta. Basically, I'm a blend between hot and cold. So true. I think my blood is "boiling" in the afternoon and a hot, sweaty class is not a good idea.

Tomorrow I might take the day off or I might go try out the new Bikram studio in the St. George area. They're giving out free classes on the weekend. Perhaps I'll give it a whirl. Just when I thought I was done with this studio I'm at right now, my teacher redeemed herself. I truly started to feel like she was alienating me for whatever reason. She always mentions how pretty I am. I get so aggravated by that because life to me isn't about that. I wonder where she's coming from when she makes these comments. I think, is it the same as our friend Lorette who out and out insulted me? Or is she truly fascinated by my "beauty"? The vibe I got today is that she was testing me as to how obsessed with my own beauty I actually am. She was surprised by my lack of interest in the subject. That's why it felt like a test, like she really wanted to see how shallow I am. I think she's only now starting to realize that I could give a shit about looks. I really want to tap into something bigger. Of course, I am doing my yoga to stay in shape but it's twofold. I want, more than to stay in shape, to tap into God, the universe, the life force in us all. Yes, I can be in my own world and not appear to care about such things, but it's merely because I'm shy. I really do care.