Begin Again

I'm sad today but I forgive. I have to remind myself to forgive, forgive, forgive. My husband took the car today when I specifically told him I wanted it for yoga. I said he could have it tonight when he was going to be out late but I said I wanted the car for class. Now, my 30-day challenge must begin again. I'm not discouraged entirely. I feel good and glad that I made it to 5 classes in a row this week. That alone is a wonderful accomplishment. I also wonder that God didn't have a hand in grounding me here at home. What I keep resisting and yet longing for is revenge, i.e. ask for the car tonight because of what he did to me today. However, I know he needs the car and I don't need it as much. Plus, I'm pretty sure he just didn't listen to me and therefore it's not his fault entirely despite the not listening part.

Breathe.

I made it to Day 5 and it was great. I'm getting tested newly every day. Today, it was my patience. I picked the third row before it got crowded in the room. Unfortunately, for poor little me, it got insanely crowded and I was blocked by two people and could hardly see myself in the mirror. It turned out to be a great class though. I was limber and while still a little weak in the thighs I made it strongly through each pose. I have reached a place in my practice thus far where I can turn off my brain and just focus on the work and how wonderful my body feels. When I get panicky, I breathe. That's the best advice I could ever pass along. BREATHE. And it must be with the mouth closed or else, as the teachers say, it will fire up the fight or flight instinct once the mouth opens and the breathing happens from there. BREATHE. I can't wait for tomorrow's class. I have to get on the hydration thing or else I will regret tomorrow's class however.

My (sort of) 30-Day Challenge

I'm back at it. It's Day 4 of a self-imposed 30-day challenge. At my studio, all these students are completing the school's 30-day challenge as of Sunday. I simply have a lot of time on my hands right now and a 30-day challenge seems plausible. I've done it before. It's not that difficult. It has it's ups and downs but it will get easier and that is what I anticipate. It would be nice to participate with a support group and have stickers to put up for every day that I make it. But maybe I'll make my own here at home! I can congratulate myself in the comfort of my own home.

The idea here is that by not putting too much pressure on myself to complete 30 consecutive days/classes, perhaps I'll even venture into a 60 or even 90 day challenge. Who knows? If I've got the time, I'm going to certainly do my best to get my butt to class every day until I just can't, i.e. my European adventure in May! The point is to go to yoga frequently/as much as possible and I couldn't agree more.

So...I'll keep you posted how it goes!

Trial

It's been a tough week for me. I opened a play this week that got panned in the major newspaper here in town and will therefore, as was indicated last night, mean no audience.

I take comfort that if it weren't for my God and my yoga, I would be a wreck right now. I'm pretty sad that the reviewer was downright mean to our production and us but I forgive him. Destructive people, I'm pretty sure, don't know how destructive they are or else I'd like to think that they wouldn't do it. Or maybe this reviewer gets off on crushing young companies and actors. One of my friends was humiliated by the same reviewer when she made her Toronto debut. Her debut! He could have ruined her career/self-esteem if she hadn't been so tough. I hope I can learn from her and carry on as thick-skinned as she did. I, afterall, was making my Toronto debut as well.

I went to yoga on Monday and reveled in my inner strength (as well as outer) when so many, many people in the class were dropping like flies onto their mats from the heat and whatever else was plaguing their minds. That was the day before my opening night. Now, post-bad review, I am going to class today. I am managing to put the review (and, really, the show) behind me and to focus on yoga and prayer. This bad review has made me really evaluate my desire to keep acting. If it weren't for the upcoming TV show, which I feel tremendous about, I think I might find another career. However, Shakespeare's words have flowed trippingly off my tongue and that, alone, I have enjoyed immensely. I have found mantra and flow within the words. I was terrified of forgetting my lines back before I began this journey. I now have them so well memorized that I can savour each word and play with each one so that they have become my own. That is a treasure I can take away from this experience. Now add that to my God and my yoga and I am a content human being. Not happy...but content.